Morte

Of course you got questions about me -- you probably have
questions about ALL sorts of things. Let me boil it down for
you: when you've been as dead as long as I have... without
arms, legs, or anything else, you spend a lot of time thinking,
y'know? I figure it's been a few hundred years since I got
penned in the dead book, but time doesn't really tally up the
way it used to... without that mortality thing pressing down on
you, all the days and nights kind of blend together. So you
think about this, and you think about that... and the most
important piece of wisdom I've learned over the past hundred or
so years is this: There's a LOT more obscene gestures you can
make with your eyes and your jaw than most people think.
Without even resorting to insults or taunting, you can really
light a bonfire under someone just with the right combination
of eye movements and jaw clicking. Drives them barmy! If you
ever get beheaded and your skin flayed from your skull, I'll
show you how it's done. I got some real gems, chief -- they'd
drive a deva to murder, they would.

I know what you're thinking: I'm dead. I've lost so much. It
should have sobered me up to all that joy I missed, all those
loves I've lost. Some people get all depressed about death --
they haven't TRIED it, of course -- but one thing they never
seem to realize is how it changes your perspective on things;
it really makes you take a second look at life, broaden your
horizons. For me, it's pretty much made me realize how many
dead chits are in this berg and how few sharp-tongued men like
myself there are to go around -- you spin the wheel right, and
your years of spending nights alone are over!

Shallow? I'm not shallow. I just don't get caught up in all
that philosophy and faith and belief wash that every berk from
Arborea to the Gray Waste rattle their jaws about. Who cares?
The Planes are what they are, you're what you are, and if it
changes, fine, but things aren't bad the way they are -- and I
should know. Go on, ask me some questions about the Planes, or
the chant, or the people, or the cultures -- when you end up
like me -- without eyelids, that is -- you end up seeing a lot
of things, and I can tell you almost everything you need to
know.

It's like this: We're in this together, chief. Until this is
over, I stick to your leg.