Looking Back!!

I look back at how my life has turned out to be, from the early days of my childhood, skinned knees and heavy laughter, to a matured state of mind, broken heart, and a reaching end.

Things have not been pretty over the past few years. Stress, stress and more stress. Sometimes I wonder if the aging could just have been restricted to a mere 20 years, now that would be something I would definitely look forward to. But alas, if only our wishes came true that easily.

Its not been easy growing up, with education and family ties to pay attention to. Its hard to remember a time, when I could just chill out and relax through out the day, its hazy but I think there were those times as well. But its still hard.

Time flies, and we waste half our lives pretending. Pretending to be doing something important, pretending to be someone we're not, and pretending to be in love with this life. We're not. We think that we love this life, but at some point in life, we find ourselves hoping to just die, praying, wishing, but that never happens either. There's the right time for that, and when it happens, we might not even realize how fast it hit us.

The tide changes, our mind changes, our feelings change. We change. Imagine being in love with someone, then all of a sudden they do something, that you start feeling the distance, despite a certain feeling of rush in your heart that you think you still love them, but you don't. You resist, coming to a stand still, pushing them away, hurting them, getting hurt yourself. And in an instant, its over. I bet you thought you were in love, no you weren't silly. You only thought that you were.

I have seen many changes, in my life, within me. When I look back, I see people that I have loved, cared for, their going away, running far away from me. All within an instant. The prophecies of love, all ending in lies. I lie, you lie, we all lie. Why? To keep someone close to us? To take advantage of them? Why? May be only because we're never certain of our security, or may be we just want to keep the status quo.

Hope, hope is all we can hold on to, as the people go away, their hearts wither away. Melting with the changing weather, the changing times, with new people coming into our lives, their lives. Someone they now think they love more than you. Again, just a myth, no true love. A lie, we pretend that is true. Yes, its all true. The lie is true. But don't confuse it as being the truth, because its really not.

What does this make of life then? Is this life only but a lie then? I would think so. Or may be its just a dream, that one day we would wake up, and realize that we never existed in this world. That there is a higher world, that we would eventually end up in, where we would only be, but happy. Or, we could wake up to a complete disappointment.

But one thing is for sure, one day we will find out, where we stand, where we will end up, and if there is ever going to be any truth for us. We wait, I wait, for the time to end, all the answers to show.